Oh, hello! Come on in. Don’t mind me; I am just serving myself a heaping pile of crow because that is the meal I earned after my foolishness last week! Do you know when I said that Bella had more chemistry with Hailey? And I would LOVE a late coming-out arc for Bela, but I assumed that we wouldn’t get that. Right. Hence the feathers sticking out of my mouth right now. Not only did we get a realization of queerness for Bela, but we also got a make-out and a coming-out to a parent on no notice! This is, like, expert-level coming out! Trust me, I know all too well what novice-level coming out looks like. Sorry, I am getting ahead of myself here; let me finish this bird and dive in properly.
Bela is doing quite well in coping with her Arvind breakup. Certainly, it helps that she has rediscovered her love of performing and comedy, because now she has to hook up all over campus. It’s research, you see? And while the typical Essex College muscleheads are sprinkled quite liberally throughout this episode, they aren’t the people who have all of her attention and focus right now. Shockingly, she is deigning to pay attention to the student complaints that aren’t from Taylor for once! In fact, she ignores Taylor to help some other kid who wants his neighbor to turn down his music. Yes, said neighbor is in a pair of tight-fitting boxers and naught else as he plays some video games on a VR headset. No, he does not notice as Bela barges in and gawks at his simply nonsensically muscled body, nor does he catch her after she knocks his chair over and sprints away. I assumed she’d be caught, thus leading to the first of many Bela hookups in this episode, but no! Our girl surprises me! She’s telling Hailey about it at the latest frat party (for a school that has no Math department, those frats have money, damn!), and while she is definitely planning on including it in the show, she can’t really see herself getting serious with a guy like that. To which I say: He was listening to “My Bed” by Leah Kate, which features a prominent Kylie Minogue sample, which is a really long-winded way of saying “he seems gay.” But Bela wants to get to know someone and fall for their personality, and Hailey wants the same! They are leaning into each other and grinning and I don’t know about y’all, but I buy the chemistry. She impresses Hailey and disgusts me by identifying the smell of this frat as “socks, skunked beer, habañero buffalo sauce.” Hailey agrees, and they just keep grinning at each other goofily until Bela leans in and kisses Hailey!
Kimberly, Whitney, and Kacey are thrilled! But not enough to hang around the suite all morning and talk about and perhaps, horror of horrors, miss the good eggs. Hilariously and relatably, Bela wants a little more of a deal made of her big coming-out moment! She tries for Trish, who promptly tells her she’s not her type. Swing and a miss! But you know who will always have her back, I guess? Taylor. She finally goes over to Taylor’s new place with Ash, and Taylor confesses that she bought a handle of vodka, but she didn’t drink it. Thanks to Bela, she’s learned to talk about her feelings and she put that into practice. She talked to Ash and went to a meeting, and it was all okay. I don’t think their relationship has earned this quite yet, but I would much rather see this almost too-tidy resolution than have both of them back to square one. Taylor is definitely more excited than the roomies about Bela’s newfound queerness, but also keeps it real when she says, “You do wear more neckties than Steve Harvey.” For me, it was blazers. (We’ve all got a tell!) Bela wants Taylor and Ash to come to the storytelling night at Sips. Bela’s return to comedy is doubling as her big coming-out moment, which will certainly be more satisfying than the mid reactions from her friends! But then, at the last minute, her mom slides into a seat, beaming. RUH-ROH. Bela — understandably! — folds and starts a much-less coherent story about realizing that she is good at impersonating Siri. Hugely mortifying but also hugely fair! Afterward, she tells Ash and Taylor why she fumbled, and Taylor, the Dickensian orphan, encourages her to actually come out. She can see Bela’s mom loves her, and she should take the chance to share things with her while she has it. Fair point, in my opinion!
What have the other girls been up to while Bela is on this journey? One of the big beats in this episode is Whitney’s … coup? Of the Athletics department? Maybe coup isn’t the right word, but it does have a military energy that I don’t necessarily mean to convey! Considering student athletes are basically workers for this school, it’s really more like a union boss rallying for a strike. This begins when the Athletic Board brings her in to discuss why she quit the team … but mostly to get her back on the team. Playoffs are coming up, after all! Whitney doesn’t miss a beat, though, and goddamn, her TV therapist is EFFECTIVE! She explains why she left, and she doesn’t back down, even when the board tries to insinuate that she was begging for the cortisone shot her coach pressured her into. “I’m sorry. Are you here to listen to me or just tell me about my experience?” Gag! Maybe I am just a wimp, but the idea of speaking to an adult like that when I was 19? Baffling and far beyond me! Whitney is so strong that not even the icy glare of her former teammates can get to her. With an assist from Willow, she tells them how unhappy and stressed she was — and wouldn’t you know it, the other girls have their own complaints! I am very worried about the 23-year-old who keeps failing due to soccer! Not only does the girls’ soccer team have issues, but it seems many sports teams on campus have their own problems. Whitney leads them to the Athletic Board to list their grievances, and Willow has her eye on the prize. “Buckle up. No. 1: We don’t want all-in-one body wash and shampoo in the showers; we want body wash and shampoo.” Stand up for the queen!
While Bela is coming out and Whitney is organizing student athletes, Kimberly is … learning about the First Amendment, the dangers of college protests, and standing up for what you believe in? This is ushered in via a conservative speaker coming to talk on campus, and if you have ever read a single news story about college campuses, you know exactly how this goes: The students protest, the administration threatens them, and the students reformulate their plan. Kimberly has to juggle this political reform with a new possible love interest, Noel, the organizer running the protests, and the reappearance of Eli, who finally apologizes for leaving her fucked up on molly in a rave barn. My kingdom for Kimberly to have a normal relationship or dating experience for once, please! When the administration comes out to demand the students disburse, they agree to meet up later and plan some more effective action. I will say that in my experience, college students are less likely to hack into the main server of the university as a backup to protesting. But these Essex kids are determined! Well, technically, Kimberly is determined, and I don’t think I missed that she used Bela’s ID to get into the server room. They get caught and arrested, and I have to assume that illegal ID usage will come back to haunt Kimberly.
Last but not least: Kacey! She has indeed lost her virginity to Cooper, and she is happy as can be. At the frat party, Canaan clocks pretty quickly that she might be moving a little too fast for Cooper, and she immediately proves him right by inviting him to lunch with her mom, moving his squash-court reservation so he can attend said lunch, and inviting him to their family cruise for New Year’s — don’t worry, they’ve already switched Calvin’s ticket to Cooper’s name! It’s not super-surprising that he thinks they should take a break, is it? Nor is it surprising that Kacey is too heartbroken to handle rehearsal with him for BREAD: The Musical. She is supposed to be singing a love song, but what I see is a TROUBLING lack of bread onstage! She insists she can do it at the show, but she just needs a second. Alas, the show must go on, and she gets dragged to the gutter by her drama teacher, who then gives the part to Blair. Is it surprising that the girlies find Kacey crying on the floor of her room, ignoring her mom’s calls? I submit it is not! And it makes for one of the sweeter moments of the show, her confessing that she’s worried that she made a mistake having sex with Cooper. The saddest part for me is when she admits her mom is really there to meet Cooper, and that she doesn’t really care about Kacey’s big night. Bela offers slapping services to her mom or Cooper or both! And her girls get it; of course, they do! In fact, they all had weird or disappointing first times, but they’ve come to realize that’s part of it. It’s weird and messy and embarrassing and ya gotta start somewhere! She tells them she loves them, they hug and cry, I feel a little weepy, leave me alone!
Thankfully, Kacey’s time with her girlies gives her the confidence boost she needs to sneak backstage and take her part back from Blair. Blair is thrilled to hear this, as she has just recorded herself singing for the first time and realized she is bad. I am furious not to hear an original song about love rising like yeast, but, of course, Kacey’s big solo is “Never Enough” from The Greatest Showman. You will notice her voice is stronger than her earlier performance, just as I predicted! I will note you can still clock that pop vocal as opposed to a classic Broadway belt, but the girl has a damn good voice either way. This song is scientifically guaranteed to make you emotional — it’s that fucking key change. Plus, everyone’s reactions! Yes, I am front-loading because I have to confess that I did cry during this moment. I am sorry, but I am a musical girl at heart.
Whitney and the team celebrate winning the playoffs, Ginger from the LGBTQ+ center has a boo, and Kimberly makes it out of jail (uh, more on that later?) in time to see Kacey slay the last bit of the song. When Missi Pyle wipes a quick tear with a proud little smile and Lilia yells “YAAAAS!” as Kacey crushes the key change? And then Bela grabs Hailey’s hand and looks at her mom with tears in her eyes. Her mom grabs her hand, kisses it, and wipes her tears?? Well, frankly, I am a mess! Sorry, I am gay and have mommy issues, but I must speak my truth! Related: Bela’s mom is … so hot it’s kinda distracting me.
And that’s all she wrote, folks! Thank you for joining me on this … well, it was a midseason, but we had fun, didn’t we? Didn’t we?
• Lila: “I’m pro slip out — it provides a natural intermission.”
• Professor Tig: “Oh, and I won’t be holding office hours today. Not because I’m busy, but because I’m not in the mood.”
• “I always follow your Instagram, not just those big square photos, but also the little movies that play when I push the circle?” I would bet SOME amount of money that a parent has said this verbatim to their child and that child is now in this writer’s room.
• Bela: What the fuck? Does my queer journey mean nothing to you people?! Leighton came out, and you guys cried for a full day!
Kimberly: Yeah, but that was different; Leighton really went through so much.
Kacey: Aww, I wish I had been there for that; she sounded so brave.
